My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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