Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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