do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
