Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
