do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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