I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
