i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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