She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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