She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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