dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
