i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
