we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
