she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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