My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
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She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
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Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
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