So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
