Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
