bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my being single is dangerous.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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