worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
