as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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