uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.