They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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