Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
