Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win