Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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