The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.