true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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