I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
