I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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