I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
