idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
