i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
