I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
