how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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