She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Your penis caused this!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
