I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
