We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
it's great music for shaving your balls
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I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
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If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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