Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
