Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
