ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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