She said her name was "party"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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