Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
