i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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