She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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