the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
