You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
