Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
