Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
