i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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