sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
