Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
