every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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