I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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