Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
