your room smells of hookers.
And success
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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