Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
