ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
