I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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