The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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