Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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