so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
