okay pat passed out under dana's car
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
