And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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