I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I didn't notice because vodka
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Randomize
