I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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