I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
