do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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