genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
