I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize