you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
did you just send me my own nude
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
