I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
