I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
