He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
