your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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