She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
